I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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