soooo we both peed the bed last night...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
