did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
