you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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