Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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