you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
