I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
