and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
