Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
