May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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