A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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