she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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