no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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