you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
