i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
