I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
