Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
