I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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