She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
