these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
