I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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