I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
