I threw up into my coffee this morning.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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