he shaved USA in his pubs
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
