is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
