Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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