DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
