I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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