3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
