I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
