we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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