Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
