Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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