break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
