I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
