I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
