Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
