she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
