Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
