I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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