the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
