my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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