u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
someone threw a dead crab at me
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
