Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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