1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
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Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
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if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize