Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
