I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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