Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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