But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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