If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
