I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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