Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
