so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
