Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
