we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
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We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
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There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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