i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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