OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
what is it with giant penises always finding me
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
