right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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