I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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