just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
