We won't sleep together?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
