My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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