if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
