There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
