dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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