Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
