hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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