You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
